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...The Man In Silence...
Novacain - Time Heals?...
'PercepTion' - ..Glass Figurine..
Title - The Man In Silence
Author - Awaken
...Napalm...how can one word, so obsurd, describe my personality?...
In reality, we all get paid...but nothing's worse than my salary
...5 bills of bullshit an hour, enuff to label the boss a coward...
Life sucks...no smile on my face, a pretty flower doesn't have the power
...To change my mind, Mr. President, why must we go to war?...
Can't you see that we're all dying inside, and half the nation is poor?
...Oh, my fault, you don't care...let us rot in our shitty apartments...
Everything everyone does makes me car sick, this car, I have to park it
...Now let's start shit, and try to reach out into the government's mind...
Is it really useful? I mean damn, you already took my brother and wife
...So just take me, seduce me into your witty little plan...
Take me into your hands, and just throw me on the road and chant
...''Fuck you citizen, your benefits are shit, and can't afford remedies''...
Oh man, I'm pissed now, looks like I got another boring enemy
...So I'm sitting here, writing this piece, I have one message for you...
''Fuck the government, and all the stupid shit that they do''
...As The Silence Breaks, Noone Will See It Coming
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Yo thanks for all the critique
you guys are something
:thumbup:
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you seam more direct to a lil political and self exploitation and i think that makes for easier to reflect work i liked this its a lil bold but it works you need to lengethen it a lil and minor complexity to what you already have and lastly feel it i read this and didnt catch emmotion from you .......8/10 elivate you got mad skill
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nice drop, creativiy was very good.. i could feel the emotion in this, vocab was good as well. multis were there. structure and flow were good.. overal, i could feel what u were sayin, u know? nothin really bad to say about this. hope to see more from you..
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good stucture but what stood out to me was the rhyme scheme.....i loved your ryhme scheme that really showed out......it made it flow nicely.....good drop man i got nothin bad to say about this......stay up man......
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Yeh, i liked this too. Not much to say bad either, the first two lines I really liked
Good piece
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I agree that this should be a little longer, but it was nice for a short read.
Your "flow", seriously I hate that term, was fine, whatever. From the start, you had something important to say, and that is why this was a good read. No filler, no bullshit. You were also pretty emotional, and had something to represent, which is good because you never lost your voice. You have the makings of a good writer, I wanna see what you can do with a longer open mic and harder topic. Peace.
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I got bored at 3am seriously and wrote this lol. No lie. I'll get u with a topic in a few days, trust me on that note. Uppin one last time.
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s'Good for a nice short read.
Imagery was good, even though
you didn't really have a lot
to add to making the image in
my head. It still came out pretty
nicely. Keep this shit up,
overall a nice read.
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thanks to all who replied, anyone else?
