Its Scary Out Here - 3rd poem

its dark and scary can see nothing around me
im not in my hood....oh no 5 guys suround me
in my glock i have 7 shots only
im scared and lonely....wanna go to my girlfriends so she can hold me
but i still have 3 blocks to travel...i hear shots and eat gravle
i think there comeing for me cant be to sure
my soul is pure so i know im goin to heaven with out a doubt
there right beside me and im asking my self whats this about
oh shit one pulls his heat so i flea not to be seen
then i wake up and it was all a dream



please leave feed

that'd be a pretty scary dream one of those
bed wetting types if u kno what i mean
not like a giant purple carrot chasing u around the mall or nothing
tho that'd be pretty scary as well

no lines in particular struck me
but it fell together pretty well
i suppose it was another one of your off the top peice but
truthfully im gettin kinda tired of reading your short lil piece
in other words
take your time elaborate on a specific topic extend your skills
and prevail to us a new and better image of your poetry
or perhaps if you cant do that take a few small piece on the same topic and connect them together and make an elongated version of a sonnet
feel me?

yeah this was off top i did it on here its not even on paper

it was decent but i think we as the reader would appreciate a lil mor detail

thanx for the feed....i'll work on this peice.....uppin for more

uppin for more feedback...........................