Wk4/ C.A.S. (1-2) vs. Uben Sonned (0-1)

Ok, Gentlemen, week 4 is upon us...
It's a smaller group of participants this round.
Too many no-shows...let's see if we get more activity without em!

If reminding is needed...it goes like this...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you waiting until the last minute...
Then posting up an old piece you wrote 3 years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh, aight!

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
AND HE'LL GET IT! Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

That's all, I guess...please tear this shit up!!!

Peace and good luck!!!
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Check

Topic- Peripheral Paradise

Make sure you check in and drop your topic Today (Wed.)

Oh I know Cas, I'm here.

Checking in.

Topic- A Day In Love.


Goodluck

Edit: Mistake, my drop is below

You do relize that it's 11:35pm, So I'll drop a quick no show as well lol

A day in love.
She brings joy to my heart,
A day without her is a life without a start.
I was alone but now I'm complete.
Seeing her with a smile, makes my heart skip a beat.
She's a real gift from above.

A day in love.
How can a day begin?
She's so beautiful she makes my head spin.
I love her, she makes me smile.
If I said I hate, I'd be in denile.
She's as pure as a dove.

A day in love.
The skies brighten, when I see her next to me.
This is a girl who's smile, makes me belive in true beauty
I'm so glad to have her, I'm happy she's mine.
This is the kind of girl who sends shivers down my spine.
Now to me that's a day in love

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i2...h_trio_203.jpg
http://i14.tinypic.com/6wxx3ld.jpg
I lie in bed, mind racing while my heart is chasing
Thoughts embracing what my eyes are slowly facing
I ponder the outskirts, my toes dig in the soft sand
This strand of Peripheral Paradise is mine to expand
Outskirts are outcasts, no humans or animal, hard to find
Taking shots alone like a soldier on the enemy line left behind
Sun bears down, the water crashes; least the trees are luscious green
Like a pebble in a river, would the water rush us in-between
Such as the flow of the river, the Niles extending for miles
Dream on with time never passing like a Peter Pan trial
Dream forever on again, I could praise goodness to teach
But forever on again, no man reaches this son of a beach
I search near and far, but the water surrounds
To swim the English channel
..But the waves crash in per pounds
Where am I at? My mind realizes this place is unknown
For the question was never asked, my spirit has grown
I must escape, for beauty is beauty for oh so long
Guess when nothing can get any more beautiful, the beauty is gone
The trees turn to timber, the leaves fall in their own pile
The water turns red; the man in the moon turns an evil smile
Is this the end, the hurricane seems to approach, “No go away!”
But my body seems numb as my mouth screams but is slow to say
I start to sweat violently, this peripheral paradise turned blind
Vines of the trees bind my brain intertwined with thoughts thru my mind
Just as I start to feel the fall, the feel of the devils grasp in my head
A violent shake to my side as my wife awakes me in my bed
I walk around the room panting, sweat drips like blood from a cut
To what caused it, I think of what; but slowly my mind shuts
I fall fast asleep again, much more peaceful with my wife to share
But as I awake in the morning, I scratch my head to find a thorn in my hair
Did the dream really happen, or were my eyes in a Peripheral Paradise
The dreamers dream to believe, But I rip a realm at reality as if to tear it twice

...up

Gee...Way to Edit Your Verse Man...Thanks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Uben. Sonned

Gee...Way to Edit Your Verse Man...Thanks.

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I said this morning after I saw your p.m...In this thread and in the S.S. chat to edit your verse and drop by 2 p.m...I said that at like 10 am this morning...I edited it out of this thread and said "Verse below though"...But if you want, edit your verse out...Just make sure you drop soon so we can get votes in...If you re-do it, drop no later than 12 pm my time...I'm guessing 11 pm your time.

Oh. I'm sorry man. Well I had no use of a computer until later this evening AKA Early morning which is why I'm on right now. at 2:45 Am.

But Don't Wrry about it CAS.

It's fine I'm sorry for being a weak opponent this week. :(

I'm not sure if I can vote in this but there's a clear winner so I don't think it'll hurt.

C.A.S.'s verse was good, played like punchlines - I liked everything until stuff started changing, I didn't like taking the verse in such a different direction, the rhyme and stuff didn't suffer but the punchline style of the first half was more enjoyable. Uben Sonned knows it was a quick drop so what more can be said. The rhymes were simple, there was cliches and it just didn't have any impact. Easy vote goes to C.A.S.

Uben, I wasn't feeling the mushy stuff. It's the same poem we've all read thousands of times. Nothing horrible but nothing great or unique.

Cas, decent shit. It started well and then started to fade, until the paradise started to fall apart. That got me reinterested. I didn't like your attempted wordplay with "son of a beach" & the English/Waves pound stuff. Other than that, decent shit here.

Vote:Cas

Uben, you settled with a no show verse which was okay but nothing great... so for that you let yourself fall in this matchup which isn't neccessarily your fault... come better next week and put the past behind ya...



cas, cool verse. some odd wordplays here and there, but it was a cool verse non-the-less... got kind of dull in the middle and picked right back up so that's a plus as well. keep it going! good read this week.




vote C.A.S. for the obvious win.

CAS, 2-2
Uben Sonned, 0-2