The twists of life.

You know what to do


-The twists of life
By: B.w. Angel



He was left for another man
He did everything he can
to prevent himself from losing everything he wanted
and now his dreams are haunted
of visions of what they used to be...
The pain goes on...
Months have passed
His mind is decaying fast,
he doesn’t think he will last
another day living this lie,
and he begins to cry...Cause someone is soon to die
the pain doesn’t end...
The rest of a year is gone,
and he still isn’t done,
He continues to fight on.
Living a lie that he wishes wasn’t true,
but there’s nothing left to do...
The pain gets worse...
A funeral is today...
Nothing more to say....
besides it's not who’s funeral you think it is
This funeral isn’t his, a girl took her life the news says,
A kid is left in shock...
It was never his pain that grew...
She may of left him for someone else
but that doesn’t mean she was happier.
In her new 'relationship' she was abused and hit,
by a stupid dick that didn’t take shit
till she took no more and took her life
with nothing more then a click...
And a gun...To end her pain...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-358453.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...xn-357783.html

You need two links and i'll leave you feedback.

Workin on them...A bit busy...

Links up. Had to do them as quick as i could cause i still got shit to do...Leave me some feed =p

Alright. Well besides that this piece would probally look better if it was not centered, the wordplay could've been better in most places. It flowed alright, but I felt if you made a stronger wordchoice in everyline. And kept the syllable count shorter and more equal. That it would have maintained a much better flow. The rhymescheme was alright. Imagery was great. Emotion was strong and the story was really good. Loved the twist. Keep elevating bro.

Hit up "D.A.R.K." for me in the poetic scriptures forum. Keep it up.

whoa....great imagery I could really imagine how that would feel....you know to have an ex that maybe left and you still had feelings for...
to get with another guy and kill herself cause she didn't know how to deal with the abuse....I imagine that would cause alot of guilt.
In places this was sketchy about whether the guy died too.
that gave it a ethereal effect in my opinion.

Very good read......
pz.

Wow...Forgot this was even here...Thanks for the feed. Anymore coming?

F you kids for no more feed....Up....

yeah...this was a good read...it was full of emotion and imagery and the ending was unexpected which is always good...keeps people wanting to read more of your stuff...the flow was decent...a bit choppy in places, but its poetry so it doesnt have to rhyme always...all and all this was a solid piece...keep writing

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6186498

^^hit this up when you see it