Poetry for the Broken

Poetry for the Broken

Broken.
Scattered pieces on cement, tears steadily descending
before evaporating into nothingness, dried up by the
fire that burns deep within.

Confusion suffocates logic, at times smothering it into
submission, so afraid of change it makes you uncomfortable,
the thought of leaving yourself vulnerable and open
is unbearable, so you close yourself off, locking yourself
away because it's the safe thing to do. Knocks on your ribcage
go unanswered, an outsider trying to make an appearance to the
treasure locked inside.

Stomach beating and heart rumbling, that which is unattainable
still taunts the senses as you lie awake, staring at stars through
the stained glass ceiling, each one a goal, a dream and a desire just
out of reach, inconvenience and obstacles in the way of progress, and
in the path of recovery. The track obstructed, and though
various shortcuts scatter the way, you steadily push past
the barriers, no side roads on this trip because you realize,
taking it one step at a time only works if you are
facing the right direction.

Your shadow is your only companion sometimes, trustingly
following you wherever you venture, but when clouds block out
possibilities, even your reflection seems to waiver, flickering in
and out of reliability. So remember your friends, your strength,
your anti-drug, and when you are stuck staring at the
ground thinking there is no way to lift your head up high, feel
the warmth that comes from within, and look towards the sunrise,
and forward to a new beginning.

Progress.
Slowly being pieced together, every day another part
is put into place, constructing a clear beginning as this
puzzle of life is slowly completed.

A reachable future in a hazy past, shatter the glass and
soon the sun will come out,
and when it does, it will shine on you.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...485/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...327/index.html

I will admit i didn't like the opening small stanza. It seemed a bit cliche and dull. However, from there on, I loved the read. Your sentence structure and ideas were complex and long, but you language was very simple. This dichotomy is interesting for some reason. I can't explain it.
There are other moments where you images almost seem too simple, but I found myself really liking them. You didn't have abstract imagery, they were all things that made sense and were easy to picture and relate too.
The suffocating Logic part was my favorite. I'm a philosophy major so that line made my brain tingle a bit.

Interesting, simple, and solid piece.

thank you, more please

The first part of the poem could have been opened up a little more better,but as i kept reading i liked it.. you hit it off as if you were trying to explain something..

'Your shadow is your only companion sometimes, trustingly
following you wherever you venture, but when clouds block out
possibilities, even your reflection seems to waiver, flickering in
and out of reliability. So remember your friends, your strength,
your anti-drug, and when you are stuck staring at the
ground thinking there is no way to lift your head up high, feel
the warmth that comes from within, and look towards the sunrise,
and forward to a new beginning. '' i really liked this whole thing, your shadow is only your companion sometimes..that was a good line,your shadow does follow you & it companions everything as well.. I liked your word of vocab very wise & interesting. i hope to read some more of your work too..

Other then the opening stanza, easily hall of fame in my opinion. Hope this is some kind of sign that your coming back to write Ben?


The wording was at least 5x better then 98% of the poetry posted these days. Some deep emotion, lots of real solid metaphores and overall poetic presense. Your voice in the piece was well announced. I got to say that I disagree with Spoken when he said some images were too simple. People need to realise that it's almost impossible to be TOO simple. Just because you didn't mention every tiny ass detail, doesn't make it any more simple then any other poem. Dope written Ben, hope to see more from you. Let's collab if your down. Nom'd.

Very nice. Good to see you back dude and that you haven't lost the fire. I didn't mind the first stanza so much, I thought it was very well worded and you used some excellent language. I have to say that your imagery in this piece was amazing I thought, it just seemed like everything you were saying I could see, its like I was watching this on TV rather than read it if that makes sense. The short little lines I liked, like, 'Confusion suffocates logic'... Was the pick of the bunch I just thought it was a very good little line. Overall I think you had excellent language, which was greatly worded and had solid emotion. Thanks for the read Ben, looking forward to seeing more.

-Messy.

hmm well, let me say what a good peice, i liked the body and filler, the flow was good and the vocab was good. mets-ehh, thought they could have been better, but, i liekd the peice,
-this peice truely seems like only somthing that can come from within, however i dont know your style or you so...but the struggle of ones own self, the insecurities of the world, life family, relationshiops, love, so many variables and so many interpretations therof, however, i find nothing but truth in here....me thinks....

I enjoyed this more than everything else I've read on here in the past few weeks. You combined that emotion of being torn and lost with a structure that is really accessible, while still flexible, for readers and yourself. I usually really hate when someone writes a poem and has "poem", "poetry", etc. in the title but this is good. It's something inspirational for those that need it.
Starting it off with "Broken." was perfect, immediately you set the tone, and just like someone who feels that way, you are one single form. Just broken. And then as you shift through the pieces, the experiences, and all the wretched emotions you start to uncover who you are and where you stand. Metaphors like "confusion suffocates logic" and the play on words "stomach beating, heart rumbling" were my favourite, especially how the 'confusion' stanza leads into the play-on-words. It's crafty.
My only quip is the last stanza, the one italicized. I wouldn't have italicized it, and it seems disjointed from the rest. Otherwise, I'm impressed.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=411253

Return the favor, please.

trying to do a new draft on this, thanks for the feed, will take it into consideration