Temple of Syrinx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSq43MxQeGU

Path of destruction, in other words wrath cannot touch me.
Yeah I'm practically hovering on the nucleus of rap and percussion.
Religious while I'm battling others, this the genesis that slaps in a cudgel.
Lock down while acting above it, been sleeping well on a mattress of money.
In a world that we naturally smother, love and the lack in need of it.
They wouldnt care until it actually crumbled.
I'm in bloom..
..But I should be in school.
I bent rules.
Fiending for truth.
I'm not human.
Beggars can't be choosing.
I'm like you.
When they see right through me.

Like Bobby Booshay I'm that hollywood craze now.
Nodding to wutang with my holly fame dial.
I'm a new face making Andy Durfresne sounds
I like that, yeah I write raps, on guard.
Like I am that, Won-der, Ni-Nine or Ten Levon.
Triggers and your cars, getting richer by the morrow,
Hear that whistle from that throt-tle this thang quicker than the law.
But if this thing go silent then we probably ditched the cops.
Tilt the whip I'm throwing sideways while controlling with my clutch.

Not bad. There’s some potential here for sure, I enjoy that you incorporate a somewhat rigid rhyme scheme near the top to give it an added layer of complexity yet you manage to still keep the lines fairly short and crisp. It’s something a lot of people really struggle with, you see it a lot online, so I never mind giving props where I see it being done to a better standard. It seems to go overlooked a lot, but I see you. Keep it up. The latter half of the first verse switched style considerably, personally I felt it would have been better without that section, especially in text rap as it doesn’t transfer over quite as well as it would if done aloud. The opening six or so lines are more easily digestible to the textcee contingent, and since you threw it up in here I’m only judging it by those standards really.

Keep that pen moving!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baron Mynd

The latter half of the first verse switched style considerably, personally I felt it would have been better without that section, especially in text rap as it doesn’t transfer over quite as well as it would if done aloud.

---

Uh oh he knows what he's talking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJP8vCy7poU

I'm in bloom..
..But I should be in school.
I bent rules.
Fiending for truth.
I'm not human.
Beggars can't be choosing.
I'm like you.
When they see right through me.


The actual beat I wrote this too.