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Thread: Growing apart,

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Growing apart,

    You were there from the start, but together we grew apart.
    I know we aint got problems so wots it all rearly about?
    Im sure we can sort things out, if you stop running your mouth
    Cause i think thats the main reason you decided to make a change,
    Now when i try to make a connection, you make me feel ashamed.
    We used to be like the law,
    We used to set the order, i can sence you have a problem, please just spit it out
    Between us youve driven a border and ive been casted out.
    How can you push me away, i was there when no one was,
    But now the roles are reversed you cant be bothered cause you just aint my cuz
    To be honest your one of the people, that made me become inspired,
    But now your making no effort to solve things and im too tired.
    Its fine to walk away just remember whos got your back,
    Please make sure you remember the faces you left a while back.
    I wonder about your anger i whish i knew what feeds it,
    You stand for all thats wrong, And i almost feel like i lead it
    And i dont want to whatch it happen, a monster starts to build,
    Deep down you have an empty space that needs to be fulfilled.
    It does feel like my fault, i should be at your door
    But your too unpredictable the truth would leave your pride too sore.
    My logic is good, your just not acting the way you should,
    You say its too late to stop it, but we both know that you could.
    We both know peice by peice we are being torn apart,
    I whish i could reverse time, and morph it back to the start.
    But now you have made things too hard to stop and it turn back,
    And how can all the people around you be expected to leave it, and lean back?
    Every day you try to hide it, every day you try to fight it,
    Every moment i try to right it, this anger is a torch and your the one to light it
    "Ayo the lyrical law, like you dont already know"


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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    "Ayo the lyrical law, like you dont already know"


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  3. #3
    Mú§!C starz's Avatar
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    u go down the street take a right but if u see a stop sign uve gone 2 far so g0 ask the mexican name tido that sells drugs at the corner and most likely he wont n0 were either so get out ue car and run full speed backwords threw a corn field naked
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    yo i really liked that sht cuz it reminds me of somthin i was goin threw wit my friend but hot junks homie

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  4. #4
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    aight thanks man, uppin for more feed.
    "Ayo the lyrical law, like you dont already know"


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  5. #5
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    Alright, I was feelin what you were sayin. As far as rhyming goes, it was a bit basic, but I think your overall concept made up for that..... you gave something that others could relate to and you were also quite descriptive and showed some nice creativity..

    Nice job man, keep writing
    Last edited by BoDyFluId; June 24th, 2005 at 04:20 AM

  6. #6
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    it did have its own originality...crativity earns you points...you rhyme scheme and wordplay was basic and simple....your structure was aiight....elevate your vocab and make your rhymes more complex and you could rise on this site.if you cant drop platinum you better drop gold. ~1~


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  7. #7
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    As the piece went on, you moved away from the rhyme scheme you had in the beginning, where I noticed more consistent internals. An alright topic, you got emotion across by making it personal. Some lines stand out as stretched in relation to the rest. You showed a little vocab, but there's room to elevate. Keep it up.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200068

  8. #8
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    aight thanks for the feed, but im not done yet!!! uppin for more feed peeps.
    "Ayo the lyrical law, like you dont already know"


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  9. #9
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    uppin for more feed
    "Ayo the lyrical law, like you dont already know"


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