world we live in.

[kid sick]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post3482311
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=vafinest



one of my favorite movies is prison song
it shows the real life of what goes on

people in jail right now, that didnt do what there accused of
cops on the street's, beatin people getting them bruised up
think there all big and bad because they have a badge
worry about rap lyrics when people are getting shot and stab
its fucked up..........but thats the way it is
but no matter what dawg watch your kids
cause there's a lot of people who didnt that wish they did
i speak from experiance..but lets not go there
sit in bed knowing that life aint fair
like how come people have to sell drugs to survive
how come people are rich and others work a 9 to 5
and the goverment jus sits there and laughs inside
so its kind of hard to show our american pride
when u have the us sending US to war
but people still walkin the streets hungry and poor
slavery is over...so why is this world still raciest?
i see fucked up things on a day 2 day basis.

[[DEF]]

This was a nice concept...although the topic was a bit played...everyday life and the life that goes on around us is quite played but the verse was still good.

You could work on a few things such as multis, I didn't see any, it doesn't make a verse but its always helpful if you use them right. They make the verse more enjoyable and pleasant to read. The imagery wasn't there for me, I mean I could imagine it in some areas, but it wasn't vivid enough, doing topicals and OM's you want to paint a picture, make it vivd and exrtavagant without using words too lavish to understand. It may seem hard at first but if you continue you'll get better at it. Another thing is Vocab, that really builds up the verse and paints the picture...the next thing is content it feels like you went from topic to topic too quickly and you didn't elaborate, you may want to elaborate a bit on it the next time...

Seeing as this is your first time dropping and OM...I will say you did well, those things I said are just to learn from and you will do well if you take my advice

Looking forward to seeing more from you...

check my OM's...especially the collabo with Illest...*hint hint*

[Young Trill]

like def said the topic is kinda played... but i mean dat's wat really goes on and yea its a played topic but yo seein it from a different persons view and u put it in good perspective mayne... dat was nice shit keep up yo good work

[kid sick]

word thanks for the feed.


uppin.

[Devils_Diamond]

i liked it keep doing your thing and everyone will like it. stay up

[kid sick]

thank u.

uppin.

[bLaZeDxbLoNde]

thass tyte yeo
i love that movie
ur verse does go along wit it
< muCho LuV 3

[Shunned1]

nice piece homie.....its a good subject, maybe a lil more vocab, but i liked it, it was a lil short also....if you were to spit that, it would be like 30-45 seconds in actuality....but it was koo....keep writin homie

[shellhead]

This Was An Alright Verse.....you Can Use A Lil Vocab But You Got Your Point Across...try Changin Ya Rhyme Skeme A Lil And See How It Works...elevate...

[LyricallyInclined]

my thoughts and opinions on this peice
it was a nice peice play'd topic but none the less it was nice and there's alot of topics that are play'd so i think it went along with the topic

feed on imagery
it was very nice i could imagine just about everything said i could picture it in my mind and alot of the things said in this peice i feel are very true with todays police officers

feed on wordplay
its was ok could have been better

feed on vocab
middle schoolish vocab but you can work on that if you have to read a dictionary it helps ive done it once it was boreing as fuck but it helps


over all rating
7 outta 10

[kid sick]

word thanks for the feed.

uppin.

[kid sick]

..........

[EyeBite]

This was a cool topic...i was feelin it...it was interesting and very enjoyable..the rhymes were good..this was pretty creatvie.....i liked this....voca was good and flow was smooth...strucutre was even...a bit short b ut still this waas cool......keep it up...peace.leave feed on ym drop..peace..linkz in sig

[kid sick]

thank u.

uppin for more feed.

[kid sick]

zzzzzzzzz

uppin mayne.