Find An Exit

[JDG]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...al-365698.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...zy-365649.html

Fall To My Knees An Prey-I ask My God For Forgivness.
Help Me Change My Evil Ways An Find An Exit Out this Buissness.
I cant take It No More-My Heart Is Rotten To The Core.
Sometimes I feel No Body Knows me-Not Even The Lord.
Caught In A Spiritual Battle-Im Goin to War against My Self.
On The Verge Of Lashin Out From All The Pain That I Felt.

Lord Give me the strength-An The Courage to Fight the Serpant.
An the wisdom to Peep Game When He Sends One Of His Servants.
To COme After me Wit some Fedia Cauz He Knows Thats My Weakness.
Help Me Overcome My Fate-An Turn My Life Pure-From Secret.
I walk This Town With A Dark Cloud Hangin Above My Head.
Jus wanna shake this erry feelin of me wanting to be Dead.
I find my self In the Sequence-When I Compromise my position.
Plus the way PD Jus Kicked My Door Off Of those Henges.
Tell Me how much more of this World Am I To Deal With.
Ive done Lost All My Brothers an all dem niggas that I Chill Wit.
I try to Saver the monent-Cauz it dont come very Often.
Then it Hit me-Some One put dat P Off in a Coffen.
I Jus Wanna Apolagize for My Extent An The Pain Is Ceartin.
But Since i Lost My Blood This Whole Heart Stopped Workin.

Fall To My Knees An Prey-I ask My God For Forgivness.
Help Me Change My Evil Ways An Find An Exit Out this Buissness.
I cant take It No More-My Heart Is Rotten To The Core.
Sometimes I feel No Body Knows me-Not Even The Lord.
Caught In A Spiritual Battle-Im Goin to War against My Self.
On The Verge Of Lashin Out From All The Pain That I Felt.

[Jayone]

Lord Give me the strength-An The Courage to Fight the Serpant.
An the wisdom to Peep Game When He Sends One Of His Servants.
To COme After me Wit some Fedia Cauz He Knows Thats My Weakness.
Help Me Overcome My Fate-An Turn My Life Pure-From Secret.
I walk This Town With A Dark Cloud Hangin Above My Head.
Jus wanna shake this erry feelin of me wanting to be Dead.
I find my self In the Sequence-When I Compromise my position.
Plus the way PD Jus Kicked My Door Off Of those Henges.


that was the hottest part of the verse i felt.....i liked this piece alot good vocab and rhyme scheme.....the parts i did not quote were still good just felt this the most 8.25/10

[Alluminati]

This was decent, it had some good vocabulary and some decent wording, the only thing i feel let this piece down was as we would say in britain you 'slanged' everything down, i just prefer full english if you know what i mean but i tried not to let it bother me to much because in general this was a good enough piece, decent emotion, okay imagery and the concept was good i guess. Overall not a bad start, cause i think your new with this.

-Al.

[JDG]

Thanks Jay...

Otha dude i can take criticism But Thats just foolish...
Welcome to my country dawg..Thats how we do thangs..
Oh and im not new to this..Im on anotha site where every one tells the truth..
Not Criticise Your work due to your post count...