15 year old trying to rap lol (crit plz)

[damodawg]

in this place it was the first place where i got stoned
in this place i got shit faced and couldnt find my way home
in this place i showed a bitch how my dick taste now im well known
in this place i went to third base with a chick that has titties that are overgrown

verse 1
im known in the streets got my tag tagged on every wall that u see
im known for finishing beefs got medals of my bravery
im known to stomp cats always with heat coz im packing gats
so theres no stopping me when i unleashe my full attack
and ill bust ur invertabrate ill leave u not walking straight
have no chick likeing u when they see ur face
so you will have to turn to guys but wont admit ur gay
but ur mum gets suspicious coz u aint walking straight
and she asked u if u were coz u aint been on many dates
the kids at school they laugh at you and call u names
but you dont retaliate coz you scared that what i done to u will happen again

in this place it was the first place where i got stoned
in this place i got shit faced and couldnt find my way home
in this place i showed a bitch how my dick taste now im well known
in this place i went to third base with a chick that has titties that are overgrown

verse 2
you start to feel emotinal stress so you cut your skin
you start to get obsessed so u keep goin
you start to realize when u do this the pain keeps going
there aint no limit so u keep on doing it
its feel better when u go deeper in
but when u get back to school
u realize the kids that bullyed u are the ones that win
...........

lol i tryed crit plz give advice thnx

[damodawg]

anyone ? plz

[P. Mortuus]

The main advice I can give you is to try and not write verses of bravado.....try and write about something that actually matters or has some shard of reality in it. Overall, this was a generic piece......keept trying. Good Luck.

[damodawg]

thanks

[damodawg]

more feed? plz

[SoopSa]

The main advice I can give you is to try and not write verses of bravado.....try and write about something that actually matters or has some shard of reality in it. Overall, this was a generic piece......keept trying. Good Luck.

word

I read first 4 lines and couldn't go any further lol
and you don't have two links

[JUstintime]

that was allright but u need to change alot of shit around man it seemed weak im only 15 and im writing have decent pieces go check it out http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...64#post6375164
so dont us being 15 as an excuse keep ur head up and be creative and youll be fine