I feel like chokin' a bitch....... real talk!!!!!!

[MaNic_DePreSion]

Just speakin my mind listen...

Sometimes I feel like chokin' a bitch
yes, litterally... physically put my thumbs on her nose and her lip
make her open up... eat up! choke on this dick
till her eyes roll in her lids, or her stomach holding my kids
I told you shut up!! so dont speak till you spoken to
Whats that?..... I guess you can't scream cause you chokin boo
you dumb hoe, Im tired of ya head games
neva let me fuck, plus you need to liven up ya head game
all the gifts I done bought you, you was blinging the best
now you on some dumb shit got me wringin ya neck
awwww.... look, ya eyes turning red n you crying
you gone' be deaded or dying,
how you got da nerve to stand up steady here lying
e'ryday taking money from my wallet
now you yapping cause you found numbers from a honey in my pocket?!
you dummy listen stop it, choke bitch! ... stop weezin'
till the picture turns black and you stop breathin
stop talking on da phone hoe, stop schemin'
get da fuck off myspace, start reading
MAN, fuck it... lemme stop with this
Im out... cause I know them nosy neighbors called the cops n shit


Gimme feedback..

[MaNic_DePreSion]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ls-372273.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-372384.html

[uncontrollable flow]

Concept as a whole is nothing new. Uneven sylables in each sentence so doesn't flow well.

you dummy listen stop it, choke bitch! ... stop weezin'
till the picture turns black and you stop breathin

Now this was quite nice. Best part of your drop.

Try to be a little more creative, more emotion and write something probably a bit more original. More lines like the one i've picked out, and you will have it on lock. You have the potential to drop better.

[SoopSa]

idk whats funnier this piece or my sig

[®andom]

I'd love to help but i wouldn't kno either.

[MaNic_DePreSion]

Concept as a whole is nothing new. Uneven sylables in each sentence so doesn't flow well....

Try to be a little more creative, more emotion and write something probably a bit more original. More lines like the one i've picked out, and you will have it on lock. You have the potential to drop better.

I appreciate all criticism, but I think you missed the 'concept as a whole'.

I dont see anyone else spitting topics on an angry comical tirade about his girlfriend, and how he's gonna choke her for being on myspace and having a bad head game.

Its supposed to be funny, not emotional or serious. As far as a few bars here and there being stretched or not flowing right, I agree it wasn't my best... but if you were able to notice that your looking too deep into the rhyme. I didn't put much thought into the rhyme scheme. Its supposed to be funny and pretty simple and straight to the point.

[antology]

I think this was a bit unique compared to all other peices like this. This one was actually entertaining and funny to read. Had some nice ideas and kept on point. I liked it man.
Can you reply to The President pretender when you get a chance man?

[SoopSa]

Eminem-Kim..
thats how i basically saw your piece

[®andom]

Real talk.

[MaNic_DePreSion]

I honestly dont listen to Eminem.

And this is just a random idea I had and just spit to it off the top. I was actually more of in a Ghostface Killah mindset when spitting it. Kinda trying to tell a story, but be funny about it.

[®andom]

word. dope. But don't use my name in vein.

[SoopSa]

lmfao

[MaNic_DePreSion]

sure thing 'boss'

[Dominance.]

real hood shit my wigga,reall good

[MaNic_DePreSion]

Not a wigga... but thanks for the props