A Hypothetical Idiom

[Sting3r]

A Hypothetical Idiom
By Josh S.

"If These Walls Could Talk.."


A Moment

There's naked courting my parts, At 3 in the morning it's dark
conceited with boring remarks, even when snoring should start
I stood sharp in secrecy, more than just my surroundings
My renting's astounding, abounding poundings keep amounting
the up keep is lousy, just shouting & crowding, I'd reach for an outing
Thoughts bounding, so many years here, but who's counting?
Luckily I know lots about things, back when I undertook visitors..
I may not stand tall like I used to, but I'd still make a good listener


A Story

A couple years back, I hosted a few genuine Villains..
Attentive, brilliant, back when guests sent you in millions
They had black masks & blue prints, musics & nude flicks
heist plans & a nice van, but I couldn't give two shits
I enjoyed the company, no matter how ruthless
But with the blistering cold, I doubted that shoe fits
The day of the crime, they arrived I'd say, on time..
with three bags, but they weren't safe in my confines
They had to stash the cash, & leave me behind
I'm glad I got that off my chest, to depart any grime..


Lonely

The air is thin, cobwebs need oxygen to clean my toxic vents
Lack of sound and conversation, observations anonymous..
No one left to hang on to, just nails of empty portraits
A never ending song with out a chorus, No importance
No person or item to lean on me when needed for it..
an evening fortress, as the dust settles & forces every Orpheus
With every memory, drunken tendencies burned in it
It's more obvious now, I'm in need of something permanent..


Introduction

As you enter its presence, mind your temper and entrance
It's all about first impressions, fung shway's the worst invention
Each step is adventurous, just mind the aging wood
At night it bends and shows its wear, just as aging would
I've gathered all the details that separate the rooms
you can decorate the wounds and excavate my tombs
Use my shelter to segregate the moods, & take in the looks
& every action or whisper will add straight to the books..
a long never ending novel, a family's house from a brothel
Always replacing my broken limbs as they add to the model
My mind's boggled, bottled, I wish I could free fall and box
Put use to a see-saw, see-aww, seize the sun and walk..
retrieve rocks, even receive shocks, but these halls would rot
So i'd more than welcome speech, if only these walls could talk..



...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-388406.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-388398.html

[Crookshank]

This was good, but it seems like you were rhyming just to rhyme quite a bit in this one..... just makes it seem forced. What's with the 5 different headers...? A moment, a story, blah blah a bunch of unnecessary shit if you ask me. It kills me when people try to make their drops look all professional, with pics at the top, bolded titles and underlined n shit... its a damn forum, stop taking it so seriously

[Sting3r]

I think you missed the point. & the multi's aren't there just for show.

[Esc0BosS]

shits looking to official to read lol

[Sting3r]

shits looking to official to read lol

I don't get it

[Crookshank]

I don't get you're drop... wtf is with the 5 different titles... and what does hypothetical idiom have to do with this drop...? please explain it to me, im not trying to be an ass, i truly dont understand this

[Sting3r]

oh, let me explainz..

an idiom is like a saying..
and a hypothetical, is something that hasn't/wouldn't happen.

the topic was, "if these walls could talk"

instead of giving away the topic in the title, i just broke it down to a hypothetical idiom, which is exactly what it is.

a moment - a description from the houses point of view at a certain moment

a story - just a story relevant to the houses existence.

lonely - describing the house with no one living it it

intro - explaining the topic..

...

now given the topic, re-read this.. and you'll pick up on certain lines that would only make sense with the topic in mind.

[Isaiah Thomas]

after reading this piece, is it about a house that used to house people, bad people, prostitutes, etc. But then every body either moved, got locked up or just left it alone and it's sad thinking in reflection, whatever it maybe I thought it was dope, the flow/rhyme scheme was on point, and "The Moment" reminds me of Cory Gunz freestyling haha stay up fam

Peace.

[Sting3r]

I hate explaining topics..



like expos in a battle.

I should either be more direct, with context clues..
or stop writing.

[Crookshank]

I know what a hypothetical idiom is, I just didn't understand how it was relevant to the drop... now i kinda get it....

so I've re-read it, n yes it makes a lot more sense... I liked the flow a lot, feelin the rhyming, n i certainly understand the different titles better now... next time just make it titled "If these walls could talk" ... lol. i hate to be so blunt, but it would certainly help others understand it more. I mean in my opinion, if someone doesn't understand my shit, thats not my problem, i know what i meant when i wrote it/spit it and that's all that matter cuz its a form of expression. But, you're on a forum where your specific goal is to be critiqued on your work by others, n comprehension is certainly important if they wanna correctly criticize your work. but, like i said i re-read it and i like it, 8/10. Leave me some feed on "The Fourth Horseman" if you get a chance. stay up

[Sting3r]

ight, thanks for the feed.
(i like letting people figure out the topic though, the same principle of not giving away wordplays.. just let people enjoy finding out for themselves. )

[Mariah]

your writing should speak for itself, if people can't find the meaning, that's your fault as a writer.

[Sting3r]

your writing should speak for itself, if people can't find the meaning, that's your fault as a writer.

really?

even if people inherently skim through your piece and miss obvious context clues?

I'm sure if you read this piece you'd understand the topic.

---

feed?

[Sting3r]

oh and another thing I've noticed..

it's obviously NOT on the writer to explain the topic, at least not for some of the HOF'ers..

they use pics..

thats the biggest fucking cop-out..

[Crookshank]

Thank you reflex.... pictures are fucking retarded imo.

So your writing should speak for itself? Not necessarily. So do you understand all of Picasso's paintings? No. It's not his job to explain it, he knows what he meant when he was painting it, so thats all that matters.... im just saying for a forum its a bit different, because you put it up there to specifically be critiqued, but if you make your shit hard to catch, you may wanna give a little explanation so people can give it the most honest review