In town

[Fifth]

Smokin Bud that's so fuzzy I call if furbi,
floatin to the skyline kirby,
poloed out like im at da kentucky derby.
Always in a fresh fitted,
ur gf askin me to visit,
can't resist only in town for a couple of days,
so i slide thru to blaze,
prerolled purple haze,
blunt wrapped to perfection,
next comes the magnum for protection,
water breaks the only time that we're restin,
until we're too tired to continue,
after we done its time to hit the drive thru menu.
Mad hungry had to grab food,
girl you payin for both our meals i hope im not coming off rude

[Tr!gga]

There's more to rap than rhyme.. Develop a flow..And u don't really need commas if u make a new line

[El Chapo]

Smokin Bud that's so fuzzy I call if furbi,
Terrible opener, weak punch. Comparison on fuzziness?
floatin to the skyline kirby,
A drake punchline? This was badly written.
poloed out like im at da kentucky derby.
I dig this line, but does every sentence have to be a metaphor?
Always in a fresh fitted,
ur gf askin me to visit,
Use some multis here to make the flow smoother
can't resist only in town for a couple of days,
so i slide thru to blaze,
prerolled purple haze,
Very weak style here. At least elaborate with stronger vocab
blunt wrapped to perfection,
This was actually nice. Perfection on a vice? Nice.
next comes the magnum for protection,
Guns really? You dont need to use this line
water breaks the only time that we're restin,
Meh concept, but the idea was there. If you written it better would of been dope
until we're too tired to continue,
after we done its time to hit the drive thru menu.
I'm still trying to feel the direction of this whole verse but I can't
Mad hungry had to grab food,
girl you payin for both our meals i hope im not coming off rude
.^^no


You need some serious elevation, homie.

Bad vocab, terrible rhyming scheme, and this has no direction whatsoever.


Keep it swag. Peace.

[Fifth]

Magnum meaning condom. Leads into sex.. but thank you

[Qwicks]

wow

[Qwicks]

Lifes A Bitch And Im Stuck In Hell
Could Be Worse, Could Be Writing In A Cell
Forgetin Times Havin Drinks And Fun
Days Ended Way Back
When I Was Too Young
Posted Rollin Kickin Havin A Blast
In My Mind Thinkin, Homie Free, At Last!
Ended Real Fast, though way too QWICK
Ended Doin Push Ups In A Place Like Shit
Feelin Alone, Came Back Made It On My Own
Still Risin, Pushin Through This Place, Its Cold
Feet Are Fozen, Heart Was Taken, Ripped and Sold
Emotionaly Mentally And Phiscally broken
I turn to the crystal Green that Heals me and toke it
Worse Than Being Locked Up Iz In This Place
Cant Take No, More Im Goin Insane
Someone Help Me Please, Rip These Chains
My Only Escape Is Writing These Sayings

Trying To Escape, I Look To The Sky
Imagination Iz A Drug When Im Done I Die
Im Hooked, Im Having Withdrawls, Call The Doctor Im Goin Into Shock!
Hello Anybody Out There!
Im In A Labrynth
A Maze Trynna Find My Way
God Help Me, Please Devil"s Got Me Crazed
Fuk It Ima Fight Im Stand Till I Die
On My Feet, Off My Knees, Wit My Eyes On The Prize
Anybody Feelin But Wonderin Why?
How Could You? You Look Fine, Actin Straight.
Homie Take A Look At My Mind, See Life Through My Eyes
Then you'll Get Why I Write What I Write
__________________
QWICKS