mind, body, and soul.depraved

[Neruda II]

I feel emotionless, I feel depressed in my own pool of misery
I cannot stand for my mind and heart is missing me
God, why can’t you see me? You look for me everyday...
Are you blind too? Can you not see me sad in much of stray?
I look to the heavens and to the angels for help
And even god…the one that created me herself
God tells me that everything will be alright and ok
And even though in the creator I have much faith
I still do not believe every single word she will say
So to the religious and holy god now I pray
He gives me no answers and I feel purely damned
I feel as he gave me cancer and this was planned
The angels only offer remorse and pity
Even when im with angels her lies still hit me
I still feel her love so greatly engraved
But my mind body and soul still feel depraved….


quick drop...please give feedback.

[shawty"B"]

...gud one... i like the imagery it gives, and it kinda gives the vibe that you were in a sense lost... i think this is an emotional poem in some perspectives...

.....fav part.......

God tells me that everything will be alright and ok
And even though in the creator I have much faith
I still do not believe every single word she will say
So to the religious and holy god now I pray
He gives me no answers and I feel purely damned
I feel as he gave me cancer and this was planned

keep droppin
return tha favor

....bless

[Civilized Rebel]

Nice flow on this, created a good picture in my mind. Seemed rather raw and unrefined, and I felt like you had some sort of fluidic inspiriation in this. Sort of like once you got to writing you couldn't stop, that at least is my impression.

Good read.

~Shalom~

[Dirty Sanchez]

felt the imagery. Metaphors were sick...not bad for a quick driop
keep this up...peep mine too plz
peace

[Marek]

this was a good peice, seriously...the imagery was decent, and the content was decent aswell.
i felt the flow also in this peice, since it was a rhyming poem.
It definitly was bad for a short keystyle dude,
actually it would have been 2x better if you would had of kept going on with this man.
anyways, overall this was a good read homie, i give it a 8/10.

props. keep doing wut chu do.

return the favor

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118556

[Spoken]

a raw piece, but like you said it was a quick drop. but the rawness isnt a bad thing. had a good flow. topic is one done alot, but you kept a uniqueness in it, kept it interesting. content was good , had good descriptions and details, and put your thoughts into a nice flowing piece.

T

[Neruda II]

Thanx for the replies, you guys really know how to interperate a poem. Thanx to everyone who takes the time to read my poems. I will surely try and give you guys good feedback like yall give mines. I always try to give a in depth view of the poems i read, and im glad yall do the same. thanx again.

[evilbombsquad]

this was deep n dark with a gloomy perspective. deffint raw thought though. i hope its not sumptin you take to heart. cause personal neglect is bad, and 1 must love self before they can love anotha.
peAce