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Thread: never on my back just brushin it (feedmeback)

  1. #1
    AJ Diablo
    Guest

    never on my back just brushin it (feedmeback)

    yo 2 all tha ppl yo who got shit shrugged of their back this is fo u.
    give this a break i pissed my heart and soul into this dont worry tho im gunna put this to cd and make it a single

    hit me again
    i just wanna feel that pain, hundred miles an hour
    an i ask fo another
    think im crazy? cuz i got no luv from my mother?
    rather git hurt by a word from a brother,
    want a beef wit me? im into prime cuts
    hit me in the fuckin guts,
    feelin deep south?
    but im hungry fo more, and pass ill it to my mouth
    yall give me a swing,
    yo u feelin great hittin me again? ima walk on a limb,
    got so many battle scars.......from battle bars
    made 2 many mistakes...........but still no breaks
    hit so many times im getting the shakes
    im 14 but ive been to so many wakes
    felt the worst of the lyrical quakes
    receivin the aftershock now
    but i gotta honour my vow
    like ali, tryin to merk em... but how?
    self esteem so low......been dissed by so many of em
    HELL never gunna fuckin take it from them
    wont keep on my back, compose myself in a couple takes
    and dust myself off wit a couple of shakes,
    sweeped clean on tha floor wit a sickening thump
    nigga that right there would put a lot in a slump
    but not me tho i git my paints on and accept all of my death throes
    but im gunna play it safe and stay away from the death rows
    blow by blow, nigga throw by throw, show by show
    and it makes me harder day by day,
    and its finally good not just callin someone gay,
    cuz this is rap put a lil mo thought in it
    no worries bout the rat a tat tat
    cuz this tha net, no ones a real G
    not even me ill admit dat, but a battle ill never flee.
    raps lost its heart and soul,
    but it still no peaceful stroll
    i gotta spring in my sole/even in in my step
    nigga aint about nuttin not even rep
    this isn't my prime... got a while fo dat, but its on my mind,
    i aint 50 cent,braggin, all always bein rude
    cuz im sicka bein crude
    and its my option now, like a pitch in tha road, but its a pitch in my 'tude,
    ill still occasionally swear, but its so hard now,
    givin softer pows, not as many wows,
    im not gettin taken seriously cuz of my age
    nigga just tell me that and ill rip it outta my life story's page
    14 just a number, im still an incredable threat
    like wakin a giant from his slumber, i can smell and your sweat.
    Maybe....i got rap all wrong, or maybe im so right
    its scaring me from a trip on tha bong and keepin me awake at night
    but i still wanna make it in my hourney called life, and still wanna dream......to be hot but how?
    Yet i got alot hating. Haters all 'round, just hating on me now,
    punchin me while im down
    and tha crownd luvs it
    but honestly im luvin it 2.. cuz its makin me harder, an ill need that
    ill be tha first top gun witout a gat.
    one day....ill be world renown,
    cuz im so down town,
    and im pissed that im so poor,
    but i wouldn't have it any other way, cuz like a cub to a lion im trainin a mighty roar,
    on the mike right to-tha-tour,
    but i can't cuz i aint mature,
    fuck dat ill be rdy one day still buildin this rhyme
    one word at a time,
    just power punchin, stickin players in those crutches
    wit one of my punches, stickin tha max to tha clutchs,
    i dont gotta alot to lose, but its still high stakes,
    slip up an you'll be still dreaming of those 9k brakes
    so i sign off wit a simple dream
    let every new rapper in on tha rappin dream
    it aint a sneaky scheme
    we lil homies wanna reign supreme

    yo lotta luv 2 tha rappers on r.b who have maintained a top spot
    dont worry all u niggas still hot
    PEACE
    Last edited by AJ Diablo; April 19th, 2005 at 07:35 AM

  2. #2
    AJ Diablo
    Guest
    yo this was my finest eva give me sum feedback

  3. #3
    AJ Diablo
    Guest
    write in ppl i need feed back

  4. #4
    Def boi
    Guest
    it ok but it had its ups nd downs.the downs kinda stop lazy ppl from readin any further so u need to go thru it nd get that sorted.

  5. #5
    Def boi
    Guest
    i say use betta vocab cuz ppl lke dat nd com harder on da angry rap.all in all its prety good.keep it up man

  6. #6
    Eve Alminds
    Guest
    You've put alot of yourself into this and it show...but...and there is alway a but...thinkin maybe if you cut it down a little and tried to work on some more 'morpholgically complex lexis'...in other words try not to go for the single syllable one word rhyming patterns at the end...i'm sure that ur perfectly capable of putting in some multis and elevating your vocabulary...this may help it to flow better and therefore encouraging people to keep reading...when the peice slows down it makes it difficult to carry on...vocab can help with this...try having a look at the amount of syllables your using in each line...you kept the story going throughout and it is the start of a good piece of work just work at it and keep on elevating...

  7. #7
    AJ Diablo
    Guest
    shit thx all ill edit it and see if it works. i app-ri-shi-8 it thx

  8. #8
    AJ Diablo
    Guest
    plz ppl this is goin 2 stay i need more feedback.... will post a remix of this tho soon

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