Pens Euthanasia

[Got Soul? ©]

its time to murder my pen and let the blood drip from the tip
sign her life away in ink and let you think I was sick
manufactured blood leak's in a natural flow to create whats originally dead
all though it appears blue at first glance its spiritually red
shakey wrists moves this dieng pen thru it last stages of lifes trouble
I relise each stroke of her body the bleeding doubles
needing to induldge in each drip of her body to get my message across
But every time I try to express my mind a lesson is lost
The feeling of her blood touches my hand staining my skins perspective
This bloody soul is so longing for a new life not neglected
blood forms a formation some sort of subliminal message tryna be told
As I remove the pen from paper the blood continues to move
Tryna tell me somthing in life that may cause my heart rapidly sooth
but its more a perspective of somthing I cant visualize
pain of my pen seems true each movement her wicked blood makes
recline back relax, Im here till the end no matter how long it takes
her blood struggles to form what she tries to speak in a message of love
she seems in agony like a devils death bed's been made
red ink seems to rapidly flow like blood from a agonizing suicides blade
I take a glimps away for no more than a second when i see
lifes death defying desperate question of what my pens is asking me
tear's slips down my red face,I know I cant speak or lie
the letters on my page have formed intact, my pens asking to die

*snaps pen*

[Got Soul? ©]

Link 1

Link 2

[Trema]

This was some dope shit,

This is a very good piece your vocab was exceptional. I liked the topic you portrayed and the rhymes were tight. Even though i had to cut and paste onto word to read this it was a nice piece. Very good, keep it up for real

[The Vortex]

fucking impossible to read cahnge the font....good spits.. some lines werte a bit out of synch and seemed to lose the flow.. had sum good multies but maybe needds a few more in my opinion.. it seemed a bit too repetitive to sum extent,,, had sum nice aliterations and all round poetic essence

nice drop keep elevating

[warchild]

Yep first thing change that fucking font ive got a headache after reading that. Ok this piece was nice i was feeling the concept cause it was original.
The story telling was good but it was your vocab and imagery stood out the most to me it was dark, i always write dark pieces so i liked it.
The only thing that needs improving apart from the font lol, is your flow try and mix in some multies and internals this will make your pieces stroner and you'll get better props for them.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232302

[Johnny 6-feet]

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood. Nearly every line i read that word! It was a good topic but i felt you could've taken it in a more creative direction than 'i move my pen, it bleeds', a concept which got overused here. Your vocab was good and your use of multi's was solid. You made your font too small which was annoying and a strain to read. Some of the imagery was good as well. But like i said, more variety would've been an improvment here. I can tell you have talent, you keep at it.

Post on, and please return the favour: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231715

[Got Soul? ©]

Thanks for the feed, will return all.

*font changed*

[Illus']

Kayze:

Nice original somewhat concept. I wrote something
like this a long time ago but what you did is somewhat
different you went into detail with this topic.

"I take a glimps away for no more than a second when i see
lifes death defying desperate"

Those lines caught my interest.

"The feeling of her blood touches my hand staining my skins perspective
This bloody soul is so longing for a new life not neglected"

Feeling the word usage, a little touch of imagery.

I like the vocabulary selection, try to use
more multies , but maintaining the in depth
meaning while doing so.


Overall nice piece keep dropping.

[Got Soul? ©]

^
thanks for that feed bro.

[Got Soul? ©]

.^.

[Spoken]

sick shit homie... real sick shit... kinda freaky, but still sick, topic was original, good flow, good structure, opener was too sick... good drop dog...

[~ladie_streetz~]

very creative...
you used very nice vocab and i liked the way it was written, kinda scary to me namean?.. you had a good structure and the flow was hot everything was very nice.. to me it does seem like you're really sick in the head nut you did good and the imaginary of it was nice you had it good wit this
hopes to see more frm ya....

[Got Soul? ©]

^thanks for that feed,drop me a link if you want it retruned.