just started not long ago..let me know what ya'll think

[comfortablynumb]

These sad stories
are the reason for my treasons
marking the death of a lyrical season
dying and trying to to make the best of it I can
even though there are limits to where my mind can expand
a talent so true should never be wasted
it's this victory that I want so bad I can taste it
and I think about all the years that's done past me by
thinking about all the tears that I have shed when I cried
lost lives of our loved ones
they will be truely missed
but their spirits live on forever when we reminisce
pardon my emotions that flow through these words
if they come across to you as a little absurd
cause I'm trying to deal with circumstances
that I have been handed in the best way i can
just trying to get through it
just trying to understand
revelations in my head
got me heart doing reversals
you used to be so real
now you just commercial
sold your self out
it's like selling your soul to the devil on purpose
and everything on the suface is fake and just worthless
don't mean nothing in the bigger scheme of things
trying to block out all the pain that the memories bring
but each time and I sit and think of the moments that we shared
it's like a slap in the face to know that you never really cared
I guess for that shit I just wasn't prepared
I dared
to open up and trust you with this feelings that were on the inside
I never expected you to just drop top and ride
left in the middle of nowhere with all these questions in my head
got my soul searching but I wonder if it's dead
can't feel nothing in my heart no more
it's just a bunch of information to be processed and stored
in a ravaged heart that don't know love
how do you expect me to rise above
the shit that I have seen and the shit that I have been through
but what am ithinking
this don't mean shit to you

[Lethal Assets]

wtf were you talking about?
you changed topic every 4 lines, but i guess the rhyming and stuff was ok for a beginner. try to develop a more complex rhyme scheme and get ur own style. start trying to do similes and metas.

keep at it

[pyro2472]

yo u got a similar style to me and i just started to

[pyro2472]

heres some of my shit

[Ludic~Assassin]

both u guys suck dic i could beat u even if i inly had one bar

[Ludic~Assassin]

both u guys suck dic i could beat u even if i only had one bar

[pyro2472]

im feelin desperete now how did it come to be this way does my life hav a purpose or will i be anothr victim of a stray another death to a bullet every time i ryhme i live my life to the fullest my whole life story in a mix of studdas and slurs im the jason x of rap cause im a kilah wit words how did i get trapped in this cycle wats happend to the world kids in iraq and africa is now holden rifles maybe ill just wake up and this is all a dream the people i used to look up i now no is bloodz and crack fiends will i just turn out to be one of those i refuse to be so i keep spittin till my casket close thats till i pass over like so many others like pac B.I.G and our soldiers lookin at those people i used to trust is now just a stresser bein a white rapper from watts im starten to feel the pressure ive been told that the boyz in the hood are always hard my block is los angeles but now its more like a graveyard my struggle is like my flow simply unique somethin rare unlike death in the streets do i gotta live this way in L.A. or do i gotta choice im speakin loud and clear but no one really hears my voice thats y i keep rappin loud and clear my whole life has been a lie but hip hop keeps me here now i cant trust no one its like everyones died bloodz put and ak in my hands and forced me to ride i was told that we all livin to die the day i witnessed the meanin of bangin i realized i was livin a lie hip hop brought me bak from the dark said i was spittin flame and my ryhmes started to spark cuase i figured out lifes a bitch but u gotta make the best of it even though its relentless i spit to live, express, and finally for acceptance

[Big_mo_slim]

dude have an idea b4 a rhyme... like what you are aiming to get out of it, start off with a sick line as well... these sad stories just doesn't do it, if u look at hip hop legends like pac, big, pun, jz, talib-k, mnm you will notice a trend in where their 'best' lines are its usually beginnings and ends, so a hot opener is vital be it in a verse or a battle, if you can end someone in an opener then thats the easiest victory you can have... but focus on writing something with a meaning not jus babling on about some random sht the listener/reader doesnt get the jist of!!
peace, if you dont like what i am saying pm me!!

[complete]

u did not leave any links this will b closed soon thnx peace

-complete