Strip Joint

[Violents]

Ayo nigga

I stay strapped with a long heater,
long knives as this song thrives, i take a long breather
I got them dubs and they fat, the Drugs and the ghats
fuck punchlines niggam I got the slugs and the mags
Shotgun or the Mac i put a heat to ya back
then get ya whole face wet liek theres a leak in your hat
you cant fit in my fitted cap
Long nights in the projects handlin beef liek where his bitch ass at
no bodies new ghat, knock on the door like who that
i killed him he was eatin a resses fast break nougat
im in the studio downtown, with some new brown mounds
in wax paper, to hold me down like bow wow
and ciara ima do this shit jsut liek you
yougot a 8 inch blade? i got a long knife too
And i got 2 heats on my waist and 3 in the door panel
2 in the trunk weight in stash, headin downtonw to do more peddal

Hook

Im on the block cuz i aint got a choice
Im in a studio apartment savin up for the rolsl royce
im movin kis i get 20 a K
i move it for a bout 25 a K
and if im cookin crack from 25 of yay
ima get over 50 im that damn paid
i double up liek this harlem but im cookin with the kitchen aidpyrex dish o nthe stove, its simple mayne


yo yo
Heroin and Ecstasy, One phone call away
Cocaine and Method Speed, One phone call away
desert eagles and the shot guns, One phone call away
ill have you hit up if im lazy jsu one phone call away
and i dont need no account, dawg i know how to count
My clientelle like a boomerang, they leave and come back around
now, downtown strips is dangerous, i aint tryna put a scare in you
seen some innocent crackheads shot uz tehre was wearin blue
that G shine set them bloods dont play with flags
caught up in the wrong 'jects get blzed with mags
and i ogt magazines, but i dont read a lot
Been on Probation but i still smoke weed a lot
if you aint feelin this thug shit, you might feel this love shit
you see my bitch wit her lips open nigga fuck it
but when she asks you wheres the bread for that head
give it up, you dont wanna loose your head for that head

haha

Hook

Im on the block cuz i aint got a choice
Im in a studio apartment savin up for the rolsl royce
im movin kis i get 20 a K
i move it for a bout 25 a K
and if im cookin crack from 25 of yay
ima get over 50 im that damn paid
i double up liek this harlem but im cookin with the kitchen aidpyrex dish o nthe stove, its simple mayne

[warchild]

This was a decent verse, i really liked the flow a lot of multies and you kept it consistent but i think the topic limited you to things you could write.
Theres a lot of pieces like this on Om this was one of the better ones though because the flow was nice and you had a couple of nice lines. But i think this piece lacked wit it was witty in places but it wasnt a laugh out loud piece that i was expecting. Ive read other pieces from you so i know your a good writer but get yourself a better concept and show us what you can really do.
I like these types of pieces cause i love writing punchlines and metaphors but i think you needed more in this piece to make it better. Not a bad piece but not great the multies were nice but lacked imagery and wit.
Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244305