ill shit

[da bape]

i cock it and squeeze and i pop at these g's//
these slugs bring out the hoe in u and make u drop to ya kneez//

beat me??? pleeze, i'm outcha league, beef yeah i'm on that//
its dumb to spit at me, u'd think i'm bustin on ya spinal cords the way i always cum back//

i get shit started like keys in ignitions, dont make a dumb ol move//
put the shotty to ya kicks now u got pump up shoes//

niggaz aint thugs, hell naw they aint criminalz u best stay in ya place//
thro a bag fulla clothes atchu, thats the only time u catchin a case//

smak u fuck ya bitch and ask u wut now//
to me u niggaz is like computers...easy to shut down//


like rats escapin from mouse traps i'm still ya cheese//
shoot at a thousands dollaz thats how i.m killin u g's//

i dont wanna be doin life in the slamma cuz niggaz couldnt keep they hammaz from aimin at me//
but keep fuckin around, cuz now i'm totin the pound and ya daughter wont have no daddy like tierra marie//

[NaS]

Okay, structure was decent, flow wasn't really visible but the rhyme scheme was. Overall decent piece, but I think you tried a little too hard on the punchlines which now appear simple. I feel that the punchlines could have remained intact with the same concept but still not sound played out, and be more complex.

"smak u fuck ya bitch and ask u wut now//
to me u niggaz is like computers...easy to shut down//"

Should be re-written, the first line doesn't structure/piece/key in well with the second line, so it comes like it's not even a bar, and the punchline was played out.

Also, the last bar,

"i dont wanna be doin life in the slamma cuz niggaz couldnt keep they hammaz from aimin at me//
but keep fuckin around, cuz now i'm totin the pound and ya daughter wont have no daddy like tierra marie//"

Didn't fit at all with the rest of the piece, it's like you decided to toss it in randomly, and again, the punchline was weak. Piece wasn't so bad though, could have been a little longer.

-One

[Mistral]

needs legit title