Wtf @ you copying what Skribble wrote. Johnny you should take a look, see if this kids tryin to use it as a link.Originally Posted by Tha Reaper
Ex, you had an ok verse. I know your 12 so ill let standards slide a little.
Your vocab was obviously the weakest part of the piece, closely followed by your combination of words, and the meaning you had behind them.
I wasnt feeling anything really on the emotion side, however i suppose i did get a bit of good imagery. The structure was good, the way you wrote it was good. Just try and work on improving you vocab so you can use some rarer used words, and give your OMs an edge that makes people think about what your describing, instead of seeing the basic words over and over again ya feel?
Nice peice, it really was. Ive seen that topic before, but you did it justice for your age, and especially soon as youve only recently started.
Keep it up, pz.