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Last edited by obseqious; January 4th, 2010 at 11:18 AM
""If you write for yourself or a loved one, you can never be wrong!!!!""
-The world makes me cold,the marines make me thoughtless-the difference between you and me is, thats just it...
""If you write for yourself or a loved one, you can never be wrong!!!!""
-The world makes me cold,the marines make me thoughtless-the difference between you and me is, thats just it...
subject matter is always imoortant in poetry. writing a poem about poems on a rap website is masterbation.
unless you made it worth reading. which my constructive advice is you did not make this worth reading. heres what you do: cross out ALL the weak lines.
your poetry will thank you for it.
I don't know about that other dude but this was a decent read.... It was kinda too simple though. Very little imagery. Emotion was there and for it to be there there must be some sort of imagery in the piece. I agree though that the concept plays a huge part in making a piece flourish but this wasn't bad. You were expressing your self. It does suck when people feed the same person or don't give feedback. I'd say this was straight forward and you conveyed your point of view my dude. Keep writing
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
thx all, uppin.....
""If you write for yourself or a loved one, you can never be wrong!!!!""
-The world makes me cold,the marines make me thoughtless-the difference between you and me is, thats just it...
your topic is honestly what made me read your peice. your poem was emotionally charged and i could see that during the read but it was kind of simple. try conveying your anger in metaphors so that you can get your message apart more poetically. that's what i would've tried. i'm not perfect trust me. i do haiku so my style's completely different but that's something i might hear from other people on this site.
...Dre was then blessed with the mutant talents of anti-empathy, basically the ability to not give a crap....
well thx fam, i know i threw a few mat's in there but nit many i think, if you guys only knoew i wrote this as i was ion RB, this poem took me no more then 15 minutes start to post....i think i did fairly well, and i havent wrote in quit a whle. thax all and im hoping to read more soon....
i have checked hakiu;s and im not fairly fond of them, although they take a special kind of structure free lance is where i get my poems, i dont like the restrictions of the "styles" of poems, and i will work on the mets, again thx all ...
note: this wasnt a poem about other poems....
""If you write for yourself or a loved one, you can never be wrong!!!!""
-The world makes me cold,the marines make me thoughtless-the difference between you and me is, thats just it...
i dont know man...lol.. you just told me to work on rhyme...
nice..........ok..........now let me be honest with you...
in my opinion rapbattles is doing OK
yeah they got haters to berate you
and assholes to upset you, and all that
but shouldnt a site like this be a challenge?
survival of the fittest, man
the darwinian concept
more successful rappers will evolve
out of tougher conditions
you rap like ibeastout votes
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