Tapdance

[Krimson]

........

[Krimson]

Till-death-do-us-part
Honest comments por favor

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

I personally think this piece was amazing. Its pieces like this that make me think this should be a poetry site and not a rap one, because the standard quality of the poetry is so much higher than that of the open mic peices etc.

I loved this bit

my dreams and my ambitions,
fly no further than these rooftops.
They imprison my soul;
and for my heart,
form a shaped box.
(a heart shaped box indeed)
Upon rests a tombstone,
the truth forever inscribed,
dead but never lived.
(gone with nothing to forget)

Because i found it to be beautifully written and i could relate to it. The wording seemed spot on and it flowed nicely as did the rest of the poem. (I just chose that bit because i liked it)

Nice piece man. Stay up.

If you can, take a look at my peice "She is still beautiful"

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

rtf here please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post7152711

[Spoken Deity]

this has some good stuff. I'd argue the end should have been put into two stanza, with a bit more in it. The language was good most of the time...a few words or sentences didnt fit.
You had some great imagery and word-play...The daniel thing was dope. I'd say take a second look at the ending and the language.

return favor on someone elses piece. thanks

[Krimson]

Thanks. I will return the feed asap.